Have You Got It In You?

"Been one of those days... "

Today has been a ridiculously long day... I'm so tired right now, and yet I feel like I should do more work tonight.  I didn't seem to accomplish a lot this evening or today.  I kind of did my laundry, but now it's hanging all over my room drying.  I tried to complete my 204 homework, but my friends and I could only finish one of four problems... which isn't very satisfying.  I went to the armory to through a frisbee around with the coaches and some of the girls from Ultimate, but ROTC people (I think) were having target practice...

I feel defeated.  I feel exhausted.  I wonder what it would be like to quit trying so hard.  To stop caring so much about grades.  To sleep more, work less.  To stop mentally organizing and assessing my life, because every time I do, I'm disappointed.  

I feel like caving in. 

Yet "Have You Got It In You?" by Imogen Heap just started playing via Shuffle on my iTunes. Stupid, I know, but the song challenges me.  I HAVE got it in me.  I just need to tap into my inner strength and drive... hopefully sooner rather than later.  I can do it; I know I can do it.  I will do it, no matter how long it takes me, how little sleep I get, or how much I stress.  I'm too determined to give up.  I will become an Aerospace Engineer.  I've come too far to turn back, so I'm looking forward.

Fashion Time

Ah... fashion.  I love it!  Excuse my dress for today (Silver jeans, soccer t-shirt, and pink Converse). I had a lab and wasn't sure if there was a strict dress code as there was in Chemistry.  I dolled up Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and I wanted to share some of my stylishness!

Monday: I dug out my orange sweater that I honestly haven't worn since I took my senior pictures in it.  The sleeves are three-quarters length and it has a bow that ties in the back.  I layered it over a faint yellow camisole with dark boyfriend jeans tucked into my brown faux-leather boots.  Sapphire studs and my KKY lavalier are typical pieces of jewelry that I probably wear too much :)

Tuesday: I felt a little more out-going today and opted out of the sweater-and-boots combo. Super skinny jeans make my legs look muscular and lean.  My simple black fitted-tee from Kohl's is not exactly my favorite article of clothing, but after pairing it with the a multicolor square scarf, my black-and-white jacket, and black slouch boots that hit a little below my knee (super cheap, too!), I loved the look.  It was a little rougher than I usually attempt, but the result was that I felt a little edgier and bolder.

The necklace... it's so sparkly and beautiful!

Wednesday: This has been my favorite look of the semester. It is sweet and elegant without going too overboard for school... I have to sit through Thermo, Diff. Eq, Linear Algebra, Wind Ensemble, and Structures and trek all over campus in my outfit, so heels and (in the winter) skirts are a little out of the question.  The lilac sweater I wore is a gift from my sister and happens to be from American Eagle.  A black camisole from Aeropostale, my favorite Levi jeans (the ones that are not-too-flared/straight-legged, not-too-dark/light, you know... the perfect ones), black pointy-toed flats with zipper accents from Target, and an adorable statement necklace from Charlotte Russe complete the outfit.  Confession: the necklace is a necklace and a brooch. Even my guy pals complimented me on my necklace.  I felt so cute and confident in my outfit all day, which is why I love dressing up.  Looking good makes me feel good, and I act accordingly.  Not surprisingly, I felt sweet but flirty all day <3

In the dressing rooms in Elliott... I was practicing
my clarinet, but I also seized the photo-op :)

Kind of a BIG Deal

I am psyched right now. So psyched that it is even cancelling out my stress!  I GOT THE LITTLE I WANTED :)  I am in Kappa Kappa Psi, an honorary band fraternity, and I just got my first choice for my "Little Brother".  My friend Kyle and I were talking about going on Big/Little double dates, which would be so awesome.  Kyle got his first choice in Littles too. Although lots of the BITs (Brothers in Training, that is) seem fun, interesting, and kind, but for some reason this one kid stood out to me during his interview.  And now he's my Little Bro.

AEA

Flattered and Confused

These seem to be the two words that describe me right now. Flattered. Confused. I'm not stressed (well, no more than usual), worried, or overly tired.

A colleague of mine (okay, I would call her a friend though we're no where near being super close) wants me to do Women's Ultimate Frisbee. When a friend relayed the message, I responded, "Like an intramural team?" But she actually wants me to consider being on the CLUB TEAM.  Like I would be an athlete again.  I run sometimes on the treadmill in the nice workout room hidden in Duhme's basement, and I play Ultimate Frisbee after orchestra rehearsals when the weather is beautiful (which is actually where the club Frisbee player saw my skills). Yet that isn't the same as being on a legitimate sports team. I was surprised and flattered. Jackie herself is a fantastic Frisbee player (she has a kick@$$ throw and awesome precision), so her praise has value to me. It actually made my day to think that even just one person views me as something more than a musician or engineer.  I hope I have time to fit it into my schedule, but I am going to be honest with myself.  I can hardly keep up with orchestra, KKY, SGT, and Purdue SWE, and I just don't want to   'keep up'; I want to excel.  Yet for right now I'll focus on the joy I felt at being asked to consider being on a Purdue club team :)

As for confused... this one is more complicated.  It has everything to do with a best friend of mine.  Lately I've been feeling differently about him.  We walk to class together, talking and laughing like we always do.  But yesterday I found myself in math class wondering what it would be like to hold his hand as we walk.  When he said, "See you at lunch!" as he stood outside the door, I realized that it might look like we were a couple... Yet I don't want to risk it just yet.  I've always erred on the side of caution, and I plan on keeping it that way.  Our friendship is too valuable now, but if I feel more certain later, I might change my mind ;)

<3

A or B

I feel fortunate (most of the time) to have friends (both at college and at home) who are smart, funny, and accepting.  Sometimes my college friends are vulgar, but they are never rude or mean.  And every once in a while, I get a not-so-subtle reminder of why I love them.  For instance, this morning... Aeromechanics II Lab. It just sounds gross, but I was not completely dismayed because one of my best guy friends is in the class me.  We had to sign up for whether we wanted to go to lab next week or two weeks from now.  A or B. Jared and I turned to each other and mouthed, "Week A!" Then my one of my other aerospace engineering buddies asked us, "Week A?" I was psyched to think that I would have lab with both of them!  Like the overachievers most AAEs are, people rushed to sign up, including my second friend.  By the time Jared was signing up, there was only spot left for Week A.  He could have taken it.  It would have meant that he alternated his 204 and 330 labs every week... definitely a good situation. Yet he signed up for Week B so we could take it together, sacrificing a selfish happiness to make a friend happy... that is TRUE friendship.

Making Time for ME

Making time for me.  It's one of my New Year's Resolutions.  And like all my other resolutions, it's written on a colored note card and taped to the part of my desk right above my computer.  I purposefully put them right where I will see them daily.  So here it goes... my simple resolutions to make me a more happy person than I already am:

1. Make time for ME.
2. Wake up no later than 10 a.m. on Tuesdays and make use of that time.
3. DON'T HIT SNOOZE
4. Email Professor Nichols once a month
5. Run at least FIVE miles every week.
6. DO NOT TEXT in MA 265, MA 266, ME 200, or AAE 204.
7. Eat 1 apple a day!

I could put stuff like read my thermo chapter before going to class, be on time for my 7:30 a.m. class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, or wear my hair in at least three different ways each week (I confess: I fall into wearing the same hairstyle almost every day).  But I liked these goals because I know I can attain these goals.  Check out my progress: I ran 2 miles yesterday, at an apple yesterday (note to self... eat one at dinner!), and haven't hit snooze for the past 3 days.  Doing the math, I'd say I'm on my way.

I'm been feeling a little down... It might have to do with a heavy class load this semester, worry about finding an internship/research for the summer, or that my best friend is leaving the country tomorrow for a semester in Wales.  Or maybe it's that I'm Services Head of KKY, I regret not being more active in SWE, and I'm considering getting a job this semester as a grader. Yikes!

 I'm determined to pick myself up and move forward.  I can do it!  It's not exactly poetic, but that my mantra. I plan on journaling and blogging more to help me get my emotions out.

Sunshine and smiles,
Nerdy&Fabulous